Mortimer, a small tear running down his cheek: "Teacher, teacher." (They never remember the sub's name.)
Me: "What is it, boy with the blue shirt?" (I don't remember their names either, but after this, I know Mortimer.)
Mortimer, with a little hiccup: "She kicked me."
Me: "Tell me, what happened? What's her name?"
Mortimer, tears coming a little more quickly with an occasional muffled sob for effect: "Matilda. She's over there. (pointing to a gaggle of girls in the corner of the room.) She just kicked me, for no reason at all. And see, look, there's a red spot where she kicked me." (pointing now to a clearly old scab that miraculously is still in place)."
Me, surveying the girl gaggle in the corner: "Matilda, please come here." (I don't know Matilda for sure, but since I have the name, I can hope she will come.)
Matilda, slowly disengages from the group and inches toward me, glaring at Mortimer. Clearly, something has happened. She breaks her glare and turns to me.
Me: "Did you kick Mortimer?"
Matilda: "Um, well sort of, but he .... me first."
You can fill in the blanks from your own repertoire. Rarely does a classroom or sibling tattle represent the beginning of the interchange, and more often than not, finding the actual precipitating event is next to impossible.
This ploy is as old as humanity. The Bible relates the first recorded conversation of this sort in Genesis 3.
8 Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. 9 But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?”
10 He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.”11 And he said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?”12 The man said, “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.”13 Then the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?”The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”
Sadly, it is not just Adam and Eve or children in the classroom, but honesty reminds me, I too, play the blame game. When I mess up, I look for a scapegoat, someone else who might share the blame or provide me with a reasonable excuse. Just last Thursday at high traffic time, as I avoided the spot where my accideny happened, the scene started replaying and once again, the argument in my head started saying that the damage of the two cars was inconsistent with it being totally my fault. I had to simply admit my car hit her car from behind. It doesn't even matter, it is over and done and you will pay the higher insurance premium (consequences) for a period of time. "You are at fault and it matters not whether the other driver was or was not at fault. Give it up!!"
For many years I have been working on this and as you can see, I have not yet achieved perfection or anything even close to it, but I am learning. One of the most powerful lessons I am starting to learn is that it's even OK to take blame that doesn't belong to you to preserve a relationship or friendship.
Oh, isn't that what Jesus did on the cross?
Good Friday is coming.
10 He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.”11 And he said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?”12 The man said, “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.”13 Then the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?”The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”
Sadly, it is not just Adam and Eve or children in the classroom, but honesty reminds me, I too, play the blame game. When I mess up, I look for a scapegoat, someone else who might share the blame or provide me with a reasonable excuse. Just last Thursday at high traffic time, as I avoided the spot where my accideny happened, the scene started replaying and once again, the argument in my head started saying that the damage of the two cars was inconsistent with it being totally my fault. I had to simply admit my car hit her car from behind. It doesn't even matter, it is over and done and you will pay the higher insurance premium (consequences) for a period of time. "You are at fault and it matters not whether the other driver was or was not at fault. Give it up!!"
For many years I have been working on this and as you can see, I have not yet achieved perfection or anything even close to it, but I am learning. One of the most powerful lessons I am starting to learn is that it's even OK to take blame that doesn't belong to you to preserve a relationship or friendship.
Oh, isn't that what Jesus did on the cross?
Good Friday is coming.
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