It's been a long time since I have written here. It's not that I haven't
thought about stories or thoughts to share. Truly, it is not that I
have been so busy, Many days have been busy, but I am also aware that
we do what we decide to do, and on any given day, we can usually change
our priorities, but we either choose not to alter our plans or to interrupt the flow of the immediate "this is what I want to do".
Today,
my thoughts demand I share them. At first, I considered sharing just
with Beth or maybe with my SIC friends (Sisters in Christ) but I wanted a
more permanent record of my thoughts and to share them with those who
might consider taking a moment to read them.
This
whole blog site started as I reflected on my literal journey to the
South and from time to time to ponder the spiritual events that came in
preparation for, during, and as an aftermath of that journey. Let me
share my "profound" morning on this day of joy in the ongoing journey.
As
I lay in the coolness of early fall, desiring time just to enjoy the
feel of lying on my bed on a sleep-in day, I decided to have a prayer
time. Those moments became a pondering period, thinking about the Bible
Study I am currently doing in Genesis beginning with creation and
moving through the Fall and the entrance of sin into God's perfect
creation. I began to wonder why. Why would God allow sin to come into
Paradise? Why would there even be a Satan? Why would God create a
scenario where humanity even had a choice? As I lay, gently asking
these questions, some thoughts flitted across my mind, not necessarily
entirely new thoughts, but jumbled echoes of Sunday sermons, Bible class
and small group discussion, Women's Bible Studies, and conversations of
the past.
As I thought about the Creation and Fall
stories that have been my topic of study in the past five weeks, I
considered that perhaps as God determined to make a heaven and an earth
and to populate that earth with creatures made in His own image, with
whom God would share a loving and intimate relationship, God understood
that true love always demands an element of sacrifice of oneself for the
benefit of the beloved. He wanted a being outside of Himself whom He
could love and who would love Him in return. God didn't need that; God
wanted that. Yet love coerced is not love, but duty. Love that
requires nothing given or returned is doting or paternalistic, and
really isn't love at all.
God had to be
aware that for the kind of relationship He wanted, God had to be the
first one to love. That meant from the beginning, before humanity was
created, before male and female, God knew and planned for His
sacrifice. As the Bible puts it: Before the foundation of the earth,
the lamb was slain. (Revelation 13:8) We could not really know and love
God if he just MADE us love, adore, worship or obey. God's plan showed
the depth of His love for the ones He created, even knowing that their
choices would be totally counter to the Divine desire. Truly, this
allowance of choice was the first of God's sacrifices for us, that we
would be people free to choose or reject Love and Relationship with God.
Then,
with those thoughts floating about my mind, I got up to begin the
mundane things of a Saturday, I fixed my baked oatmeal breakfast and
sat down to catch up on my Friday devotional and complete the Saturday
one as well. That's what Saturdays are: catching up on the loose ends
of the week. The passage for Friday was Matthew 27:45-54. The devotional's title was When You Feel Forsaken and the Bible's heading was The Death of Jesus.
My first thought was the one that said, "Yeah, once in a while I feel a
little forsaken as days go by and I don't see my family or hear from my
friends." I began to read the passage and tears just flowed as my
thoughts from the morning poured in next to the words of the Scripture.
This
is such a dark passage because it so powerfully portrays Jesus
physical, mental and spiritual pain. For a moment as He hung in the
throes of death, He felt alone in all the Universe, because in that
moment He felt separated from the Father, from the Spirit, and even from
Himself. For an eternal moment He knew personally the darkness of sin,
and then He knew it was finished. Meanwhile the power of that moment saw
the veil at the temple torn from top to bottom, tombs opened, saints
walking the earth, and one centurion with Jesus' wrenching cry assaulting his ears, Jesus torn body
piercing his eyes, and the stench of blood filling his nostrils said, "Truly, this was the Son of God."
We don't love God, so God will love us. We don't have to prove our love. We choose to love Him because He first loved us.
